not on the list 1 INT. CASTLE INTERIOR There is a bed onstage behind silky curtain backlit. PRINCE CHARMING (OS) Once upon time in kingdom far far away the king and queen were blessed with beautiful baby girl. And throughout land everyone was happy... until sun went down they saw that their daughter cursed frightful enchantment took hold each every night. Desperate sought help of fairy godmother who had them lock young princess away tower there to await kiss... handsome Prince Charming. (enters gallantly onstage) It he would chance perilous journey through blistering cold scorching desert traveling for many days nights risking life limb reach Dragon's keep. For bravest most handsome... all land. (looks at audience) it destiny his kiss break dreaded curse. He alone climb highest room tallest tower enter princess's chambers cross her sleeping silhouette pull back gossamer curtains find her... (pulls curtain reveal WOLF bed. Gasps) What? Princess... Fiona? No! (relieved) Thank heavens. Where she? 1. She's on honeymoon. Honeymoon? With whom? 2 EXT. THE SWAMP SHREK It's so good be home! Just you me and... DONKEY (offstage) One loneliest number ever do... (enters) Two can as bad one... Donkey? Shrek! Fiona! Aren't two sight sore eyes! Give us hug Shrek old love machine. look you Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout side sugar steed? Donkey what are doing here? Taking care your nest you. Oh mean like... sorting mail watering plants? Yeah feeding fish! I don't have any fish. You did. around fish) 2. Look time. guess you'd better going. Don't want tell about trip? Or how game Parcheesi? FIONA Actually Shouldn't getting home Dragon? yeah that. know. been moody stuff lately. thought I'd move know we're always happy see Donkey. But Fiona married now. We need little time know together. other. Alone. Say no more. worry thing. will here make sure nobody bothers Donkey! Yes roomie? You're bothering me. OK. All right cool. guess... Me Pinocchio going catch tournament anyway so...Maybe I'll y'all Sunday barbecue or something. He'll fine. Now where we? (giggles) Oh.I think remember. 3. know! Alone! I'm going! What do these other guys? ROYAL MESSENGER enters fanfare. (clears throat) "Dearest Princess Fiona. hereby summoned Kingdom Far Far Away royal ball celebration marriage which King bestow blessing... your...uh... Love Queen Away. aka Mom Dad." Dad? Charming? Royal ball? Can come? We're not & mean might bit...shocked like this? Well bit surprised. they're my parents They worry. They'll too. right. Somehow welcome country club. Stop it. They're explain Sergeant Pompous Fancy Pants Club Band? 4. come on! could least give chance. To what? Sharpen pitchforks? just blessing. great. Now blessing? If part this family yes! Who says family? did! When me! there's some fine print you! So that's won't Trust idea. final! ALL exit. 3 SHREK re-enter GINGY PINOCHIO. carrying luggage. (walking by picking up ‘warning Ogres sign’) worry! We'll take everything. (exasperated sigh) 5. PINOCHIO Hey wait Hit it! Move 'em Head up! up ‘em on Rawhide! Knock out! Pound dead! Make tea! Buy drinks! Meet mamas! Milk hard! Yeehaw! pass forth stage E/E (Enter/exit symbol appears) Are we yet? No. Not yet. OK Yes. Really? 6. (mimics) That's funny. really immature. This why likes ogres. Your loss! gonna stop talking. Finally! taking forever There's in-flight movie nothing! The Away -- (softly) away! get darn bored. (groans) 7. (chuckles) Yes! finally! 4 FAR AWAY - ENTRANCE Announcing long-awaited return new husband. off-stage left. KING QUEEN (exits) So...you still idea? Of course! Look. Dad us. earth they? our little! big problem. Wasn't she supposed Charming spell? 8. he's Charming but look... Happy now? came. them. let's go before light torches. parents. Hello? locked tower. That own... Good! Here's Let's inside pretend home. Harold be... Quick! While looking run Everything's A disaster! way... this. Both parties begin moving toward eachother really... Really... don't... want... 9. to... Here! Mom... Dad...I'd meet husband... um...It's easy gets looks from. (chuckles nervously) 5 ENTERS SHAKING OFF GUARD (off-stage) ? am. What's happening everybody? Thanks waiting. hardest into place. Bad donkey! Bad! Go! No Dad! He's helped rescue from dragon. me: noble steed. boy. So Fiona live. Well...Shrek owns own honey? 10. an enchanted forest abundant squirrels cute duckies (laughing) ain't talking swamp. An ogre Oh! original. suppose place raise children. 6 AND COUGH INVOLUNTARILY early thinking that isn't it? Indeed. Harold! mean? Dad. great OK? type yes. My type? grandchildren expect Ogres anything wrong Right Harold? 11. no! course not! is assuming eat young! usually prefer ones who've tower! please! only did because her. Aye day dragon-guarded castle. wouldn't understand. father! Mom! Harold... exits crying.