The inherent desire to ‘fit in’ runs rampant during the adolescent years leaving some do unspeakable things. Jude: a scrawny boy of fifteen felt this concept with full force push throughout media and his small country town for males be strong burly ego-driven infiltrated brain at all moments. hot Texas sun beat down on grassy fields as wind carried wave dry arid air into face he leaned back father’s wooden rocking chair aged wood emanating groaning creak. As aimlessly stared empty these incessant thoughts yet again raced around mind - comparison sensitive quiet nature tough burly classmates left him pondering why so alienated forced reflect struggled grasp enforce such concepts whilst others adopted it ease. He had tried hard many attempting anything everything could fit in other boys age nothing worked. grew jealous sight much younger than him being praised by boys loathed himself every “weak” thing did. Rising out seat turned walked old house shared father screen door slamming shut behind him. entered room glanced framed picture mother sat bedside table. corners lips upturned slightly they often did any mention mother but moment comfort was swiftly cut short loud belch erupted from father living room. Jude’s parents were complete opposite each other wondered where together first place. father: selfish man temper showed no love or appreciation wife loving woman who incapable doing harm. peacefully passed her sleep due apparent natural causes funeral that Jude became aware how detested father. hide pain loosing knew would erupt anger crying believing son ‘to soft’ watched mothers casket lower ground couldn’t contain himself. Later day once arrived home exploded after seeing ‘such baby’ began hurling insult insult. Amongst terrible things said night one particular stuck “I am glad your mother’s dead – she make you soft”. It beginning summer holidays threw rucksack clothes backseat climbed front rumble car starting up dreaded following days come. Although seemed want obliged bring along camping trip didn’t trust alone house. end moon crept up its slumber below horizon wandered campsite. smell burning sounds people conversing filled gazed thick forest lining ventured further woodlands campsite grow quiet replaced birds chirping crunch leaves under foot. Abruptly stops tracks staring straight group three boys seemingly can beer their hands large fallen tree facing away Swiftly turns silently slips oak tree heart racing sudden discovery. Being close enough hear conversation pure curiosity decides linger moment. “Aye Jackson dad say finally take little brother hunting” asks “yeah Colton’s becoming man” replied. Stepping lightly camp new idea creeping head. wanted have un-disturbed brought one-man tent fumbling get comfortable backseat car. Laying stiff seat eyes vacantly staring low rumbling grow. “Why I like this? Why can’t my wants me be? must mean me? What done?”. thought earlier evening when came across those forest. “Little man” voice echoed mind. That it final makes feel if is world wants. With hopes rise catch onto glimmer seat. looked closer revealed itself fathers hunting rifle glossy black barrel glimmering moonlight. Filled dreams feeling sense acceptance grabbed rifle checked barrel bullet. Grabbing flashlight slowly unlocking slipping shoes darkness headed towards campsites barn dozens innocent animals lay pens. Pulling open slipped inside rabbits. But rabbit pull it. loved animals mother. Defeated now more enraged before stormed barn. On walk screamed insults just Staring bright yellow slim tent occupied last “there animal kill hunt may an instance man”. Silently zipped there deeply entranced sleep few seconds letting snore. aimed center forehead vile rung ears tear trinkled cheek. placed finger trigger statement made night replayed head “I’m dead”.