Skinny. “Oh my gosh you think I’m skinny!?!” Skinny culture has been embedded in American since forever. It’s also stuck Asian Both sides of identity scrape at me like a double sided ax. I can’t quite understand it. Well can but refuse to. America getting somewhat progressive advocating for more representation the media that we are constantly attached hard to escape- being fed with products advertised make us happier now! without Dick and Jane rigid add-ons non white blue eyed people feel bigger pieces shit. Growing up place did under parents have all contributed comparison complex. difficult unpack because love parents doesn’t condone mistakes they’ve made past. I’ve had struggle share home life see it as grey area whenever point out grey around immediately accuse black horrible. But they just haven’t assimilated culture. That isn’t bad thing is wrap head especially when have immersed than have. “Oh god don’t fit your pants anymore. going buy new ones. You need lay off bread.” It was fault. fault growing 13. finally not runt grade actually taller. taller according mom’s side: bigger. People always saw “cute” “pure”. wanted grow didn’t want all. My side traditional. were cut perfection so speak. Comments about body seen rude signs affection. took lot reflection it’s still journey body. But them skinny wasn’t enough- through jail cell bars be considered beautiful. beauty healthy. say healthy mask their desire skinny. Liposuctions toxic diets ab stimulators bluest eye second. Then goes away. “Please. If there somebody bluer eyes mine then maybe eyes. The whole world. … Please help look. So was. A little girl yearns girl horror heart her yearning exceeded only by evil fulfillment”(204-205).