Some days we say things don't mean and sometimes do it it just comes o ut because of anger…but wish never said what said. I have that relationship with my dad. June 24 2021 me family took a trip to Panama City Beach for the first time ?was us no immediate family…it was peaceful. My dad's side is fake still love them but they suck living joy out sometimes. Im positive mom can vouch on that dad likes pretend like nothings wrong. feel he tries relive his inner child some get stronger bond mom since it’s longer possible passed away 6 2018. Nice sweat drenching day it's 26 2021 woke up bright early. made me two brothers omelts were so delicious. As got ourselves together go down beach decided use restroom this random memory when grandma called selfish ugly as stood in mirror felt myself start break down didn’t want her view that. knocked door quickly wiped tears put smile walked nothing ever happened. Finally 17 minutes later beach at 11:42 am. Just presence being makes safe truly happy. sit chair watch little brother play sand. young beautiful soul would kill be again. “I wonder why Nana did she did” thought good minute how probably would've felt. Sometimes you all world could missing most important thing love. believe people return that’s missing. “You know wasn’t wrong there are that…a dissapointment failed life. Life doesn’t worth for. oldest son talk anymore only daughter rather hang cousin lean other more than own dad” heart sank I'm one reasons make way. sat disbelief word. Felt choking from holding back I've been searching answers life proud everything him wanted validation cared about. 28 those exact words replaying head. An elephant chest. All cry came straight part didn't knew big impact till day. stressed broken find forgiveness every thing soon started fault. also try forgive times too bad has affected saying thank him actually expressing feelings once towards matter hurt me. will always him.